I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
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I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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