How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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