I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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