I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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