think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
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I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
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I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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