Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Say something about gay babies.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize