it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
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My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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