i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize