Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My cat gives me a boner
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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