dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize