I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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