you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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