He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize