What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
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I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
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his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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