So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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