if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
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Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
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We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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