Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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