His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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