I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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