She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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