He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
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I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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