I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
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Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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