Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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