i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize