pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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