if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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