Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
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Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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