do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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