yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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