Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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