I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
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Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
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Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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