I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
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You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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