I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize