splinters make it hard to masturbate
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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