That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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