Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize