I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
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we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
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The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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