my phone needs a breathalizer
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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