You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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