This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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