Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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