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He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
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