Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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