We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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