They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Still dying that you shit outside
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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