good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize