i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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