my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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