i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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