If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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